The S Word
By Sarah Kremer
Alright, have a seat. You’re old enough.
It’s time for us to have a talk about the S word.
While I know it doesn’t serve me, I must admit, this is a word I have used rather frequently. My mom used it a lot growing up. My teachers said it. When we were underperforming and goofing off in practice my coaches would talk to us sternly and throw the word around. I know they were just trying to motivate us, but it totally backfired. Eventually, we all grew up, moved out and have been haunted by the S word ever since. This is your intervention. I am here to tell you to Stop ‘Shoulding’ on Yourself.
When you break it down, it’s really not complicated. Either you want to do something, or at least see value in doing it, or you don’t. Think for a second, make that decision and then commit to it. Saying or thinking about how you “SHOULD” do something is a great way of either procrastinating or avoiding ownership. Instead of thinking “I SHOULD do the dishes”, decide if you actually will or not. While you do not want to do the dishes, you may see value in the task so that you have a clean kitchen and/or happy housemates when you get home. However, if you’re running out the door, already late to a meeting, doing the dishes may not take priority. Do yourself a favor by either committing to the chore and getting it over with or getting your butt out the door. Don’t torture yourself all the way to work by thinking about how you “SHOULD” have planned your time better and done the dishes. Put that aside so you can focus on your meeting. Lean in and accept the situation as it is unfolding. Tune into what feelings it's bringing up and learn from it.
I often hear “SHOULD '' come up in training. I’ll find myself in the middle of a training session thinking “Oh, I should really work on my [insert weakness here]....”. This insight has the potential to be quite helpful, but needs to be applied thoughtfully. When a SHOULD pops up in training, dig into it. You think you should stretch more? Why? Because it will improve your movement? Great - now make a plan and implement. Don’t SHOULD around. If you find yourself repeatedly changing the trajectory of your training sessions because thoughts of "I SHOULD work on x " pop up, there is help. First of all, notice this pattern. Clarify your focus and make a commitment to stick to your session plan. Hiring a coach is always a good option if SHOULD thoughts keep undermining your progress.
SHOULDs often prioritize the needs and wants of others above your own. If you find that you are ending up in a “SHOULD” situation to please others, it’s time to dig into your own motivations. Again, ask yourself: what value do I see in doing this? If it's important to you, take ownership. Make a plan and stick to it. If you don’t see value? Leave it behind and go make better use of your time. Owning your intentions and actions will help you simplify the process and find fulfillment in all of the things you do.
Sarah Kremer competing at Dark Horse Bouldering Series in MetroRock Vermont. Photo by Christina Fleming.
