Responding to an Athlete in Emotional Distress
As coaches, we are expected to help our athletes achieve excellence in sport. At times, our role as a mentor extends far beyond the gym. Because of our unique relationship with our youth athletes, they may open up to us about mental health issues that they are experiencing, before any other adults know. It is normal to feel overwhelmed, underqualified and lost. Most of us have little or no professional training in mental health counseling, and yet are called upon to respond to critically delicate situations. While this guide is not medical advice and does not replace the role of trained mental health professionals, here are some things to keep in mind to support you, should you encounter such a situation.
The National Collegiate Athletic Association’s (NCAA) model of Recognize-Respond-Refer is a helpful way for coaches to think about your role when talking with an athlete who is struggling emotionally. With this model the coach recognizes there is a problem, empathically responds to the athlete and refers them to the right support system.
Emotional Distress
What do we mean by emotional distress? Let’s discuss some things to keep in mind as a coach when faced with an athlete who’s mental health may be at risk. It may be common to have an athlete discuss a situation which they are upset about related to school, stress, family, friends or athletics.
Although the athlete may seem distressed (crying, unable to focus on practice, irritable, sad, low motivation, tired) it may just be a bad day. A supportive conversation may be all that is needed before returning to practice.
The concern increases when:
This becomes a pattern lasting 2-3 weeks
The athlete has a challenging time regrouping and returning to practice
There is any discussion of self harm or suicide talk by the athlete (in this case maintain supervision, call parents and or call 911 if risk is imminant and can’t wait for parents to arrive).
Given we are talking about youth athletes, keeping clear and consistent communication with parents is key. They are going to be your ally in supporting the athlete at home, assuring professional follow up is initiated or if a modified practice schedule is necessary (i.e. early pick up). We recommend sharing your concerns and plan for the athlete with other members of your coaching staff and documenting the conversations you have with the athlete and parents as an incident report, especially in cases where a special plan is in place for the athlete.
When an athlete comes to you in emotional distress:
Recognize the importance of your response. Pause what you are doing and make time for a conversation. Move to a quiet, comfortable space where you can talk. Make sure to follow Safesport protocol and stay within a common area when working one on one with an athlete.
Respond with active listening and empathic communication (detailed below). Take the athlete’s concerns seriously, and affirm their experience.
Refer the athlete to their wider network of supporters: parents, school counselors, mentors, or to professional help if deemed appropriate. With youth athletes, clear communication with a legal guardian is very important.
Skill: Empathic Communication
It’s inherent in the role as a coach to instruct. Coaches are effective communicators and well versed in using a directive style of communication with athletes. A directive style of communication implies a chain of command where one is instructing the other and expects compliance and follow through. This style of communication works well in practices where direct instruction and follow through is needed; it does not
work as well if an athlete is struggling with an emotional issue. Switching to an empathic style of communication in these moments can alleviate some stress for coaches as they do not have to be an expert, instead, they become an ally. A team culture where it is safe to talk about emotional issues will create a supportive environment to have difficult conversations.
There are four components of empathic communication:
Partnership: Become an ally and recognize the athlete is the expert in their own experience.
Compassion: Put the athlete’s priorities ahead of your own. Bring kindness to the moment to acknowledge the inherent value of others.
Acceptance: Withhold judgement, accepting the person completely where they are at that moment. Acceptance is different from approval. We can accept where a person is at, and at the same time, not agree with the behavior choices they are making.
Inner strength: Instead of giving suggestions as to what might help, try to help the athlete tap into their inner strengths. What ideas do they have about how to get past this challenge?
Adapted from the NCAA Coaches Empathic Response Training
Skill: Guiding and Active Listening
Ask open-ended, reflective questions. This will guide the athlete to give more information and reflect on solutions. (Examples: What do you mean by a lot going on? Tell me more.)
Communicate that you are present and listening actively with open body language. Sit or stand with your body turned towards the person, arms uncrossed. When appropriate, wake eye contact, and a nod, to show you understand.
Use reflective statements, paraphrasing what the other person has said to show that we have heard and understood. This makes the person feel heard and encourages them to do more talking.
Be patient with the conversation. Don’t be afraid of long pauses or silent moments. Take time to process your thoughts; avoid rushing to respond. Sometimes, the process of sharing feelings is enough to make the person feel better. A response (beyond acknowledgement) may not be necessary.
Coach, Mentor, Advocate
As coaches, we are not immune to hard feelings and difficult situations. You may find that you are affected emotionally when a member of the team is suffering. It is okay to feel sad, overwhelmed, guilty, or any other range of emotion. Remember, you are not alone. Taking care of your own mental health as a coach, modeling healthy behaviours and acting as a supportive facilitator will ultimately connect your athletes to the wider support network they need to stay healthy.
A few things for coaches to keep in mind:
You alone are not responsible for the athletes’ wellbeing. You are just one person in the network of adults in your athlete’s life. Parents, mental health and medical professionals are all key players in supporting a struggling athlete.
If the athlete is a minor, talking to a legal guardian is crucial. Be clear, supportive and bring a non-judgemental attitude to this conversation. Parents may have a different perspective. The goal is to work together to support the athlete. If the athlete is an adult, it may be appropriate to encourage the athlete to reach out to a partner, family member or close friend. With their permission, you may assist them in doing so.
Maintain personal boundaries and practice selfcare. Make sure to set aside time for yourself to process and reboot after emotionally intense conversations.
Make sure to stay within your scope of practice. Unless you have specific training in mental health counseling, your role is to listen and then defer to the athletes parents and mental health professionals for further care
Do not promise to keep secrets. It can be tempting to feel like you are helping to gain the athlete’s trust, but this will ultimately not promote safety in the athlete.
Do not attempt to diagnose or treat mental health problems. Leave this to trained professionals.
It’s okay to speak generally about experiences with mental health, but avoid oversharing personal stories or details. When an athlete opens up about difficult emotions, the conversation is about them, not you.
Anyone in crisis can text HOME to 741741 to reach a volunteer Crisis Counselor
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available to those who are struggling AND those who are supporting people through crises 800-273-8255
